EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES

SUMMARY: Jason realizes what he has to do to make Sam see he is sorry for what happened between them. At the same time Sam realizes she still loves Jason. This is after Mexico.

Song: Every time I close my eyes by the Backstreet boys.
RATING: NC17

Every time I close my eyes
Every time I close my eyes


Samantha McCall watched as Jason paced around the room and sighed. They had just gotten back from getting Michael and Kristina back home, and Jason had started pacing right after they had brought them back home and he had asked her to come with him. He had told her ‘it was important’, but he hadn’t spoken a word after they’d entered the penthouse.

‘’Jason…’’ he stopped her by holding up a hand, and she felt her heart skip when she thought about what he wanted to say. She had a feeling it would hurt her, or maybe even make her happy. She didn’t know, but it was serious and she couldn’t stand the silence.

‘’Just… just wait a second ok?’’ He didn’t look at her, he didn’t stop pacing, and she wondered what was going on inside his head. She couldn’t read him like she could before, and she hated it in this moment.

Listen girl I don't know where to start
But every word I say comes straight from the heart
I've been so wrong
I never meant to hurt you
Oh girl, I'm sorry
For what I put you through
Girl I'd do anything
For one more chance (one more chance)
‘Cause I want you back again (want you back)


Jason paced and looked at Sam when she wasn’t looking at him. She had been watching him intently, and he knew he had to say something soon. He had asked her to come over, but he couldn’t find the guts to apologize for everything he had done to her. He knew he wasn’t the only one that made mistakes, but he could see why his actions made her actions. After leaving her in the hospital, this had gone downhill, and it had ended in him threatening to kill her if she came close to Elizabeth and the boys. He shook his head, guilt flooding over him once again at the thought of that night.

He looked at Sam again, and saw she was looking down, but he could also see the tears in her eyes. ‘’Damn it.’’ Her head shot up as he ran a hand through his hair, and she stood.

‘’I’ll just go,’’ she said softly, and he shook his head. ‘’What? I can see you don’t want to talk…’’

‘’I want to say something to you, Sam. But I need to figure out how, I don’t want it to come out wrong because it’s really important,’’ she smiled weakly at him and he frowned.

‘’You were rambling,’’ she told him, and he nodded and grinned. ‘’You never ramble. It’s funny.’’

‘’Yeah, laugh,’’ he said, and she did. He looked at her with wide eyes, and then he cleared his throat. ‘’Stop it, it’s not funny.’’ He didn’t mean it to come out that harshly, but she stopped and then grinned at him.

‘’You know, even after what happened in Mexico, you can act like you want to talk about it, but it doesn’t change anything Jason. Don’t you think there’s still too much between us to make it work?’’ He frowned, and she nodded, but she didn’t get him. For the first time since they knew each other, she didn’t get him and he grinned.

‘’You don’t get it. That’s what I wanted to talk about but I need to say something to you.’’

‘’Just say it, Jason. I can handle it, whatever it is,’’ she sighed and sat down again, and he sat down in front of her on the coffee table.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ He whispered, and when he saw the tears in her eyes, he was sure she understood. ‘’I’d do it all over again if I could, but I can’t, and I’m sorry. I should’ve never left you in that hospital bed, and I should’ve never threatened your life. I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Jason…’’

‘’No, don’t say it’s ok, because it isn’t. I pushed you to the edge, and I’m not saying that justifies what you did, but I helped you with that, and I just wanted you to know I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry for everything I did.’’

‘’What do you want me to say? I forgive you?’’ When he didn’t say anything, she looked him in the eye and said, ‘’I already forgave you, Jason. A long time ago, I forgave you. I know I was wrong with everything I did that summer, and I can’t apologize enough, but you made it up to me a long time ago when you became the Jason Morgan I fell in love with again,’’ she told him, and he sighed in relief.

‘Cause every time I close my eyes
I see your face and I wonder
when you close your eyes
do you think about me?
Now I realize
I want you girl and no other
Every time I close my eyes
you're all that I see


Sam looked at Jason and felt the love for him pour over, almost spilling from her lips. She caught the ‘I still love you’ just before it spilled, and she was glad. She didn’t want to scare him away, and she was still scared herself. She didn’t know what to say anymore and she looked down, and then she sighed.

‘’I’ve been thinking about us, what happened in Mexico, and I think we both know we can’t deny there’s still something between us,’’ he whispered, and she nodded, but didn’t look up. ‘’I know it’s fast, and I know it’s probably weird, but do you think we could try again?’’ he put his pointer finger under her chin and lifted it up, forcing her to look at him. She couldn’t contain the gasp when she saw in his eyes what she had thought wasn’t there anymore – love.

‘’I don’t know, Jason. It’s so messed up, we’re so messed up… what happened in Mexico was a one time thing and it was great, but I jut don’t want to ruin our friendship.’’ She felt the tears build up when she said it, because she was lying. She was terrified he would hurt her again, she was terrified that she would go back to that dark place she ‘d been that summer, all because the only person in her life had let her fall when she needed him. And she was scared that she would hurt him, that she would close off every time something happened.

‘’Ok, Sam, I know you’re scared. I get that, and believe me when I say I’m scared too. But you’re not even willing to try?’’ She shook her head, but he didn’t stop. ‘’I don’t believe that. I can see it in your eyes Sam, you want to try. You’re scared but you do want to try. Don’t lie to me,’’ he added when she opened her mouth, and she shook her head. She wouldn’t lie, she would just tell him.

‘’I want to try Jason, I just can’t. Even after everything, I still care about you, but I can’t take the risk with my heart again. I can’t… I’ve just got it back together and I don’t know if I can take it if it broke again. Can you? Can you take it if I broke your heart?’’

‘’No. I couldn’t take it, no. But then again, I know we wouldn’t break each other’s heart again because we are stronger as individuals, and we can be stronger as a couple. If you just take the risk we could be stronger,’’ he told her, and she sighed and looked down.

‘’It’s… god, Jason. I can’t think like this.’’ She stood, and he looked up at her but didn’t move. She started pacing and sighed thinking she had just been watching him pace. She hated pacing, but she couldn’t help it. She was nervous, and her emotions were a wreck. Everything was messed up, and she couldn’t take it. ‘’I’ve got to go,’’ she rushed to say, before she opened the door and ran out.

You and I shared a life together
Each other, was all we'd ever need (all we'd ever need)
I thought you would stay with me forever
But I took for granted
The love you gave to me
I keep on trying (keep on trying)
'Till the end ('till the end)
Baby I need you back with me again (I need you back)


Jason stared at the door as it fell into the lock, and he blinked a couple of times, trying to process what just happened. They had been talking, and she just ran out? He’d never thought her to be the type that ran away, but as the door opened and Carly walked in he knew why she ran. She was scared, even more than he had realized.

‘’Jason what’s wrong?’’ Carly asked him as she sat down next to him on the couch. He shook his head and she looked worried, but he couldn’t help it.

‘’I just talked to Sam. She ran out of here.’’

‘’I saw her, she was pretty upset. Is this about what happened in Mexico?’’ Jason looked at her in surprise, and she grinned. ‘’You didn’t think I wouldn’t find out what happened? Michael told me what happened and what he thought happened between you, and I just realized it when I saw Sam running out of here.’’

‘’She… she doesn’t want to take the risk.’’

‘’No, I can understand that. She’s terrified Jason. She doesn’t want to be hurt, but she also doesn’t want to hurt you. She’s been making a life for herself and she doesn’t want to lose it, she doesn’t want to lose herself in you again. Don’t you get it, she loves you, but she believes she has to let you go to make sure nobody gets hurt again.’’ Jason thought about what Carly said and nodded, she was right.

‘’I know you’re right. But what do I do? I can’t force her.’’ Jason sighed when Carly scoffed, but gave her a chance to say what she wanted.

‘’Sam will run away until you force her to face her feelings. Just… you know, let her come to you with this, and when she admits to herself and to you what she feels, you just go for her. Go for her Jason, and put her first.’’ Carly stood, and then looked down at him.

‘’Carly…’’

‘’I know you love her, and even though I was shocked when I realized, I’ve known it for some time now and I’ve been waiting for this to happen.’’ She didn’t give him a chance to reply as she walked away and closed the door behind her.

‘Cause every time I close my eyes
I see your face and I wonder
when you close your eyes
do you think about me?
Now I realize
I want you girl and no other
Every time I close my eyes
you're all that I see


Sitting on a bench at the docks she knew she had been wrong running out on Jason. She hated that she did that but after everything, she couldn’t think clearly with Jason so close to her. She had missed this Jason. This was the Jason that would put her first and loved her like he loved no one else, and she knew she had to protect her heart. She didn’t want to be hurt again but she also knew that staying away would hurt her too, so she was torn.

‘’I don’t know you that well, but I didn’t peg you for the girl to run out on the boy she loved.’’ Sam closed her eyes when she heard Carly, and she sighed. She had run into Carly when she was running out on Jason, and she had known Carly would find her somehow.

‘’Carly, please just don’t make this your business.’’ Sam stood but Carly pushed her down, and Sam looked at her in surprise as Carly sat down next to her. ‘’Carly…’’

‘’I ran too.’’

‘’What?’’ Sam asked, surprised. She never thought Carly would talk to her, and now here she was, talking about running for love.

‘’I ran too,’’ Carly repeated, ‘’I’ve been running a lot, with Sonny, and with Jax. But I stopped running and I realized that love is worth everything. And you know that. I understand you, Sam… I understand why you are running, but stop and look around. You have a life, a job, stop running and take the risk. You’ve been running long enough and I think you deserve some happiness.’’

‘’Carly, you know what happened that summer. We both hurt each other and I just don’t want that to happen again. I don’t want to go back to that place. I love Jason, I admit that, but I just don’t think love is enough.’’ Carly nodded, and Sam frowned.

‘’I agree. Love isn’t enough. You need to give yourself, and I understand that is hard. But just think about it Sam – Jason loves you, and you love him. Don’t you think it’s worth the risk? Don’t you think it has to be hard work for it to be perfect? Jason’s scared too, Sam, but he wants to take the risk.’’ Carly stood, and looked down at Sam for a moment. ‘’Just think about it.’’ With that, Carly left her alone with her thoughts.

And girl I'm going out of my mind
I miss you so much
I don't know what to do (what to do)
Please say it's just a matter of time
Until I feel your touch
Until you let me come back to you I'm in love with you


‘’It’s been a long time since I saw you.’’ Sam looked up and sighed, wondering why everyone seemed to think she wanted to talk. Elizabeth sat down next to her and she just waited.

‘’I know.’’ Sam didn’t want to talk and she would make sure Elizabeth knew it, but somehow she knew Elizabeth wouldn’t catch on.

‘’How are you? Everything ok with Michael and Kristina?’’ Sam nodded, and Elizabeth took a deep breath. ‘’And how’s Jason? I haven’t seen him in some time either, and I was wondering what was going on.’’

‘’I don’t know Elizabeth.’’ Sam said softly, and Elizabeth nodded. ‘’Look, I just want to be alone for a while, so…’’ Elizabeth backed up in surprise and then stood, nodding her head.

‘’Ok, I get it. I’m sorry.’’

I think about you girl every night
I'm in love and it feels so right
I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain
I was just caught up in that lying game
But now those days are over
I've changed my ways
And now I'm counting the minutes
I'm counting the days
Until you let me come back
Until you let me start
To find a new way to get back into your heart


Jason sighed as he looked at the clock and saw it was time to order some dinner. He didn’t know what he wanted, but somehow he couldn’t stop thinking about Sam, and Chinese. So he ordered some Chinese and sat back on the couch, thinking about what happened this afternoon. After Carly had left, he had been thinking about Sam a lot and he wondered what she was doing. He didn’t call, because Carly had been right. He needed to give her some time to process what he had said.

There was a knock on the door and he got up, took some money out of his pocket and opened the door. His eyes widened when he saw it wasn’t the food, but it was Sam. ‘’Sam, come in!’’ he wondered what she was thinking, because for once he couldn’t read her. ‘’I just ordered dinner and thought it was the food. But come on in, I think I have enough for you,’’ he added, and she nodded and stepped around him into the penthouse. He closed the door, and then he heard the elevator again and he opened the door and handed the delivery guy the money, grabbed the food and closed the door after thanking the man.

‘’I was just thinking on the docks, you know. And then Carly came. Said some things and made me think about what I did. I’m sorry I ran out like that Jason.’’ He heard the sadness in her voice and he shrugged.

‘’I understand.’’

‘’No Jason. It wasn’t fair of me to run out like that and I know it. You’re scared too, and that was one of the things Carly made me think about. I’m not some child anymore, and it was just plain stupid of me to run out because things got hard.’’ She sighed, and as he unpacked the food he looked at her.

‘’Things are hard. It will be hard, but we can get through it if you give us a chance.’’ He didn’t look at her, but he knew she was crying when she sniffed.

‘’Yes. I want to give us a chance Jason. I’m just so scared…’’ her voice faded and Jason looked at her for the first time since they sat down. She was broken over this and he couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He had brought this on her again and he wondered if it was worth the pain he was causing her already.

‘’I’m sorry Sam. I didn’t want to hurt you and look what I did. Before we even try you’re already hurt.’’ He sighed and moved to stand, but she took his hand and stopped him.

‘’I want to try Jason. I… even though this is going to be hard, I’m willing to take that risk, if we are together and I know Jason, I know I love you. I never stopped and I never will,’’ she whispered, and he closed his eyes to let it sink.

‘’I love you too.’’

Girl I'd do anything for one more chance (one more chance)
‘Cause I want you
I want you back again (I want you back)


Her heart skipped a beat and she sighed as she closed her eyes and let his words roll through her. She never expected him to kiss her, but he did, and she responded. His lips moved over hers gently and then his tongue licked her lips, gently forcing her to open for him. She did, and he passionately kissed her, letting his tongue dance with hers.

‘’I love you, Sam. No matter what, you’ll be the only one I love and know that I’m never going to let you go again.’’

‘’I love you too, Jason. And I won’t let you,’’ she grinned, and then she looked down at the food and felt her stomach grumble. ‘’It’s funny how Chinese always gets us together. You proposed to me over Chinese, and now we got back together over it.’’

‘’We got together because we both decided to take the risk. But I’ll tell you we won’t get hurt. It’ll be hard work but we won’t get hurt again. You can trust me on that.’’

‘Cause every time I close my eyes
I see your face and I wonder
when you close your eyes
do you think about me?
Now I realize
I want you girl and no other
Every time I close my eyes
you're all that I see